My First Time

My first time was on a flight to France when I was 14 years old.  The age and setting may be shocking to many of you, but this was 1994, not the 1960's.  Fourteen may not seem strange to some, but if you know me well (or even not-so-well), I'm sure you are surprised.

The flight was a high school trip to France & England after my freshman year.  We were flying overnight to try and avoid jet lag, but I was too excited to sleep.  It happened after my friends had drifted off, somewhere over the Atlantic.  This sounds cliche, but I felt consciously changed as it was happening.  Feelings of deep pleasure, excitement, and also a strange peace overwhelmed me; I never wanted it to end. But, I didn't have a name for the experience. Sure, I had an inkling, but remember, this was pre-internet.  If you weren't exposed to things at home or through your friends, then you didn't know what they were.  My friends weren't talking about such things at school. At least not yet.

I turned to the only person still awake whom I thought could label that experience--my chain-smoking, cute-as-a-button French teacher, Mrs. Blair.  She was close to retirement age, and very grandmotherly, but a "cool" grandma, so I just went ahead and asked her.  She didn't bat an eyelash as she told me who was singing the song coming through my headphones on channel 4: "Why, that's The Beatles."  Now, I know the song was "In My Life," but I'll never forget hearing it for the first time.

Best left unsaid

I am not Emily Post, nor do I strive for that title. In fact, I probably have stuck my foot into my mouth more times than I care to think about. I am sure that I have hurt people's feelings in the past. I have noticed that the majority of people in this world seem to speak before they think, or they have no idea how painful a casual comment can be. This is not an exhaustive list, but I wanted to share a list of questions that I feel are best left unsaid when speaking to a casual acquaintance or stranger. I realize that the people who generally read my blog are a very neurotic thoughtful bunch who generally think TOO much before thinking, but maybe this will go viral (HA!) and I can help the world be a more polite place.

This first question is one that I was asked many times during high school/college.

• "Why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?"
• You have just insinuated that the person is a loser, no matter the tone you use. The best response I ever came up with alluded to the fact that my high school was small and the best ones were claimed in the first grade--which was only partially true. When I was attending U.K., that answer would not work; 24,000 students is a pretty big fish bowl. Your intent might be great--my sister/friend/acquainance is (insert positive attributes here) why don't they have somebody to love?  When asked the question, however, the person is probably flooded with every negative attribute they feel is the source of their solitary status. Or maybe they truthfully like being alone, but nobody wants to hear that. Or maybe they are somewhere in the LGBT persuasion?

So, then you find the boy/girl of your dreams, then a new question pops up:

• "When are you going to get married?"/"Why haven't you gotten married yet?"
• Now, this question is completely legitimate if you know they are engaged and you are inquiring about the date. If you are asking an unmarried couple, then you probably mean it as if to say the natural course of this relationship is marriage and they'd best be getting on with it. You might can get by with it, if you are really good friends with one or both members of the couple, but do NOT ask the couple when they are both in front of you. Awkward.

The next series are questions that I have endured over the past 5 years during a long struggle with infertility (which will be a blog in and of itself).

• When are you going to have a baby?
• Innocent enough, but when you've been struggling with years of trying the old fashioned way without success, followed by weighing adoption versus fertility treatments, expensive medications, sometimes painful surgeries & procedures, a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy, the question just brings it all to the surface. I learned to answer with a simple: "Whenever God decides that we are ready." but it was usually rapidly followed with me excusing myself and crying somewhere.  The worst part of this question was that it was usually asked by somebody I didn't know very well, in a public location. My favorite example: random distant relative of Robby's shortly before his papaw's funeral! Seriously, we're sitting 10 feet from a casket and you want to ask me about my reproductive status?!? Sheesh.

• Why haven't you had a baby yet?
• At least 3 people asked me this question. In my case, this made me want to cry because I desperately wanted a baby.  One time I answered this with brutal honesty because I was having a bad day: "We've been trying for several years, but I have endometriosis and poor egg quality, so it's been a real struggle. Please don't ever ask anybody that ever again because you don't know what they might be going through."  It felt GOOD!  For other people it might be as simple as "My husband and I don't want children." But really, what good can come from that phrasing? 

•  Are you sure you're doing it right?
• They were sort of joking (I hope), but it really hurt my feelings.

My husband and I are now the proud parents of infant twin boys, but once we found out, then a whole new batch of inappropriate questions were thrown our way:

• "What's with the pudge?" (while gesturing to my little baby bump)
• I couldn't make up that question if I tried. A worker from our work cafeteria asked me that when I first started showing. I honestly answered that I was 16 weeks pregnant with twins. She seemed shocked, which meant to me that she thought I was just packing on a few pounds! Wow. I doubt I could ever be that ballsy/rude.
• "You're having twins? Wow. I would cry myself to sleep every night if I were you."
• Golly gee willikers. Thanks for the uplifting thoughts!
• "Are they natural?"
• I know they meant did I use fertility treatments, but still what's the opposite of natural? Unnatural. So if I say no, I am basically saying my children are cyborgs.  If you are close enough friends with somebody, then they will have already shared their journey to these children with all the detail that they are comfortable sharing. If you don't already know their situation, then you probably shouldn't go there.
• "Are you going to breastfeed/have a vaginal vs. c-section delivery?
• O.K. to ask your close friend. Or even just a friend. Not O.K. to ask your random co-worker, especially if you have never had a conversation before!
• Are you already dialated?
• Um...what is your name again? See the above answer for appropriateness.
• Stuff people asked Robby:
• "Is your wife going to breastfeed?"
• "How many centimeters is your wife dialated?"
• Yikes--TMI people.
• "Has your wife gone into labor yet?"
• Several people asked Robby this while he was at work. Yeah, he thought he would squeeze a few more hours of work in...while I was in labor...with our twins. Just makes you want to shake your head and pass out some "bless your hearts."

This is not an exhaustive list, so feel free to share your own in the comments. If you EVER catch me saying something rude, PLEASE call me out on it!

My low-brow love affair with macaroni & cheese

Due to popular demand, I delve into my love of macaroni and cheese.Macaroni and cheese is my favorite food. I would (but don't) eat it every day, given the opportunity.  While other people are experimenting with risotto, whipped parsnips, leeks, roasted asparagus, etc.(yes, I acknowledge that those sides have their place and are tasty),  I pair macaroni as a side with nearly all entrees. Mac & cheese never lets me down.
Foods I have successfully (in my mind, at least) paired with macaroni:

• grilled salmon--one of my favorites
• meatloaf
• chicken: grilled, fried, or baked
• pork chops--excellent pairing
• steak--sirloin, filet mignon,
• tilapia, mahi-mahi...just about any fish
• Hamburgers
• Country fried steak
• hot dog
• bratwurst
• ham
• turkey
• An integral part of a vegetable plate

When would I not use macaroni? This list is short:

• probably not with another pasta dish...lasagna, spaghetti, etc. 
• UNLESS--you are at a pasta buffet...then all bets are off!
• breakfast. I don't think it would go with pancakes, for example
• I just had a brilliant idea involving adding sausage to macaroni and adding a bit less cheese. Hmm. See?  It's so versatile! It could be an alternative to hashbrown casserole!
•  mexican--tacos, enchiladas, etc. 

I would like to say that I prefer gourmet mac & cheese, involving rich bread crumb crusts and a mix of gruyere and swiss for the cheeses. Sadly, my favorite macaroni is Velveeta Shells and Cheese. Velveeta is a "Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product"!  It's not even real cheese! Growing up, my Grandma F. made my favorite food using heaping spoonfuls of Cheez Whiz. She also died of a massive heart attack, so maybe that isn't the route to go.  My Grandma T. has been a devotee of the classic Kraft Macaroni and cheese dinner in the blue box. This formula has been pretty much unchanged since 1937. The powdered cheese packet was good enough for the depression, but it's way down on my priority list. If you add some butter, then we can talk.

Even though it's my favorite food, I have never found a good recipe for homemade style that doesn't taste too froofy. I have a few co-workers that have amazing recipes: simple, creamy, & classic, but they have not shared their recipes with me.  Hmm.

I decided to see if Wikipedia could help me. They did not have THE recipe, but they did have a link to the earliest known recipe from the 14th century:
http://www.godecookery.com/goderec/grec6.htm

Please share with me if you have a good recipe!

Since I don't prepare authentic macaroni and cheese myself, I often order it from restaurants. In my opinion, the best is from Logan's Roadhouse, followed by Cracker Barrel. In Lexington, Malone's has a great shells and cheese side. I love most of the food at Ramsey' (local to Lexington), but not the macaroni; I find it has a bit of a bitter aftertaste.

Does anybody out there have a great homemade mac and cheese recipe for me?  Another restaurant recommendation? Also, does anybody out there NOT like macaroni?

Why I am trying out this blog thing again

Here I go, again. I tried blogging back in the Pre-Facebook (PF) days. Truthfully, I'm starting to have serious PF nostalgia. I miss being able to write more than a few sentences about "What's on my mind?" without being skipped over or hidden on a regular basis. I also miss my little Xanga community--you know who you are--where we read each others blogs and felt more connected to each other. I love how Facebook lets you plan events, share pictures with family, and spy on, I mean...er...catch up with your old high school classmates, but I find it hard to express my lengthy thoughts.

But, I digress.

As the blog title states, I am an overthinker.  This may not be an actual personality trait (or word), but it's what I do; I have a continuous and exhausting inner monologue, in which I tend to over-analyze events and actions. Yes, I know a lot of women are like this, but I find it exhausting at times.  I'm extremely inquisitive and am not sure how I survived before the happy marriage of my smart phone and Wikipedia. I'm also very introspective, causing me to spend way too much time thinking about my past.

I find myself ruminating on topics and memories. My plan is to put those ideas into writing, freeing up valuable brain space for...um...something else.  I'll probably also write about the latest shenanigans of my family, which expanded earlier this year to include twin boys.

**NOTE** The things I get stuck on are not necessarily deep philosophical ideas. Please don't be alarmed if I have a whole post on my life-long love of macaroni & cheese.